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Growing Old is Not for Sissies – 2's Company – MagnusInsights.com https://magnusinsights.com Mon, 10 Oct 2022 18:05:52 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9.4 https://magnusinsights.com/wp-content/uploads/cropped-2sCompanyLogov23-32x32.jpg Growing Old is Not for Sissies – 2's Company – MagnusInsights.com https://magnusinsights.com 32 32 It’s Later Than You Think. Yes it Is! https://magnusinsights.com/its-later-than-you-think-yes-it-is/ Sat, 15 Oct 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3304 Some time ago, David and I wrote a post about something my mom used to say, “Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think.”(https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/2019/03/its-later-than-you-think/) This post is a follow up and serves as a reminder that it really IS later than you think. And, for that matter, it really is later than I think too! A recent personal tragedy has prompted me to write this post. My dear friend, Chris Cochran, received a terrible diagnosis of pancreatic cancer on February 24, 2022, which is a memorable date because it was his 64th birthday. I sent him a video of The Beatles song, “When I’m 64,” not realizing that his 64th birthday would be his last. When Chris called to tell me the dreadful news soon after he found out, I immediately told him that we needed to get together, soon, because our time together was running out. Chris and I knew each other since June, 1967, 55 years at the time of his passing, and prior to his death, I was determined to stay in closer contact with him than he probably wanted. He repeatedly said he hoped to be one of the lucky people who survive pancreatic cancer, to which I responded that I hoped so, but just in case, David and I would be visiting him as soon and as often as possible. We had 2 nice visits with Chris and his wife, Suzy, 1 in April and the other, in June. Things seemed to be progressing with Chris’ chemotherapy and other treatments, until they took a turn for the worst. Through everything that was happening, Chris maintained his sunny outlook and optimism. He called me a week before his passing to tell me not to worry about him because his fate was in God’s hands. I laughingly told him that he knew better than that! I am a constant worrier, about almost everything! The day after Chris’ final phone call, I contacted another dear friend, Roger, who introduced Chris and me in 1967. Roger and I have been friends even longer, since 1964. I asked Roger if he could visit Chris with David and me in a few days and I explained “time is running out.” Thank goodness Roger said he could go with us! Roger, David, and I had a nice visit with Chris, who by then was able to communicate only with his eyes and a partial smile, due to a series of strokes he had suffered. I reminisced about the “good old days” when we were kids, Chris and I held hands, and the end of a lifelong friendship came to an end. Chris passed away on August 23, 2022. My advice: Tell your loved ones how much they mean to you, visit places you’ve always wanted to go, do whatever you’ve always wanted to do, now, because it really IS later than you think!

]]> The M’s https://magnusinsights.com/the-ms/ Tue, 27 Sep 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3272 I have a friend named Marilyn Einbinder. We met several years ago at a Passover Seder hosted by her son, Marc, and daughter-in-law, Susan. Marc and Susan are our wonderful Megan’s parents and it was Megan who invited me to attend her family’s Seder. Immediately upon being introduced to Marilyn, I knew we were going to be friends. We just “clicked”! Plus, she exclaimed to everyone in attendance that I look just like Meryl Streep! (This is something I hear often. Strangers approach me and ask, “Has anyone ever told you that you look like Meryl Streep?” to which I reply, “Many times and I sure wish I had her money in addition to her looks!”.) Since our first meeting, Marilyn and I have become good friends. Although we don’t get to see each other as often as I would like, due to living relatively far from one another, we go to lunch as often as possible. We call ourselves “The M’s” for Marilyn and Melissa. We have a lovely appetizer in Marilyn’s gorgeous high rise in Aventura, then we go to whatever restaurant Marilyn has selected for a delightful lunch. Our time together is filled with girl talk; serious discussions about politics, religion, and world affairs; and lots of laughter. I have more fun with Marilyn than almost anyone I know. Recently, I delayed visiting a dying friend for a few hours in order to have the opportunity to have lunch with Marilyn. When I told her about my friend’s expected passing, Marilyn said she would have understood if I needed to postpone our lunch date. I explained that I didn’t want to postpone it because I knew having lunch together, and enjoying the pleasure of her company, would be the only fun thing I would be doing for a long time. I treasure my friend, Marilyn, and our friendship! Here’s to The M’s!

]]> Expand Your Horizons: Johnny Cash, Jazz… https://magnusinsights.com/expand-your-horizons-johnny-cash-jazz/ Tue, 06 Sep 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3235 Expand your horizons. Exit your comfort zone. Try new things. Visit new places. Meet new people. These are mantras to which I aspire. Many people are too afraid to venture outside things they’ve always done. They go to the same restaurants, then order the same things off the menu. When it comes to music, some of my friends say “Oh, I like all kinds of music” when they really mean they like all kinds of music within a narrow framework, such as 70s “classic” rock. Boring! I like to shake it up once in a while. My dear friend, Bob, who is my best friend from graduate school (not to mention one of the coolest people I know), visited David and me recently. As usual, our conversation turned to our mutual love of music. Bob was a university professor for his entire career and he lived in a small town that didn’t afford many opportunities to see concerts. When he was visiting, he remarked that, although he had gone to lots of concerts while growing up in Texas, he hadn’t seen as many concerts as David and I have seen. This led me to a recitation of some of the many performers David and I have had the pleasure of seeing live, including: B. B. King, Johnny Cash, Barbra Streisand, The Rippingtons, Barry Manilow, Tom Jones, Chick Corea, Waylon Jennings, Englebert Humperdink, The Temptations, The Village People, and so on and so on. Bob was astounded that I, a fan of rock and roll music (including today’s groups, such as Five Finger Death Punch, Disturbed, and Godsmack), would consider, not to mention attend, concerts that are not within the genre of rock and roll. Bob was incredulous, questioning “Barry Manilow?” to which I remarked, “Yes, and he played 20 minutes worth of jingles he wrote for TV commercials during the show!” The point about experiencing things outside of one’s usual practices is, of course, not limited to music. Never had Lebanese food? Try it! The worst thing that could happen is that you won’t like it; if so, you can always go to your favorite fast food place to satisfy your hunger. Never been to Miami? Come to visit David and me. We will take you to many unforgettable places! How about the Grand Canyon? Let’s go! The world awaits us!

]]> Alaskan Cruises https://magnusinsights.com/alaskan-cruises/ Thu, 18 Aug 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3219 Having just returned from Alaska, I am more aware than ever that going to Alaska means, for many people, taking a cruise. But, Melissa and I aren’t cruisers, so we did a land tour. Nonetheless, it is now impossible to be in Alaska without encountering cruisers. From the gift (junk) shops in Anchorage to Denali, cruise passengers are everywhere. The Denali National Park area, that is, outside the national park, even has hotels dedicated to cruisers who are taking side trips there. For better or worse, Alaska has been impacted by cruise ship based tourism. One of our land cruising stops was Seward, and there was a ship docked there for our entire visit. I hear good things about Alaskan cruises and the sights which can be seen, leading to this story. Many years ago, my Dad, Herman, decided to take my Mom, Carole, on an Alaskan cruise. He was excited that this was an auction item at one of the trucking conventions he attended and he aggressively bid on the “Alaskan cruise” and won the prize. However, this was not what one thinks of when cruising to Alaska. It was, instead of a scenic, inside passage tour, a cargo ship taking the most direct route from Seattle to Anchorage, fully loaded. The accommodations were in the guest cabin on a container ship. Dad was excited that he would get to dine with the Captain. Turns out, Mom and Dad were the only passengers on the ship and they had the only, non crew, cabin! There were no buffets, entertainment, or sightseeing opportunities. Just full steam ahead on a working ship. As it turned out, Dad enjoyed it; he was thrilled to see how everything worked. And, the Captain had a model train layout in his cabin, an interest of Dad’s, so he was in “hog heaven.” As for Mom, she brought along several books. There were no nice ship corridors, elevators, balconies, etc.; it was decks, stairs, and portholes. There are Alaskan cruises, and there are Alaskan cruises. Alaskans depend on the cargo transported by sea, and, thankfully, these ships ply the seas daily. But, we’ve often laughed at this situation and how different people’s perspectives can be! Bon voyage.

]]> Live Your Life Like Someone Left the Gate Open https://magnusinsights.com/live-your-life-like-someone-left-the-gate-open/ Tue, 26 Jul 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3202 I don’t remember where I saw this quote for the first time, but I instantly liked it: “Live your life like someone left the gate open.” I guess there are multiple interpretations of this sentence, however, my view of it is that, as David’s late mother used to say, we should try to “have fun” in everything we do. If we are doing a simple chore, we can try to make it more bearable by viewing it as something in which other people would do anything to be able to participate. For example, think about the bright side of the activity instead of focusing on the negatives. David and I were waiting for a simple hot dog lunch to be brought to an outdoor picnic table that is located on a busy, dusty street in Fort Lauderdale when he asked me if I was having fun. I said, “Not right now, but I will be as soon as my hot dog arrives.” Sure enough, as soon as my tasty hot dog was placed on the table, I acted as if someone left the gate open, with my hot dog ready to be devoured before someone remembered to close and lock the gate. It’s all a matter of perspective. I have had several friends and family members who relied on wheelchairs when they went places. Instead of bemoaning the fact that I had to lift the heavy (for me) wheelchair in and out of my car, then push my family member or friend anyplace we wanted to go, I always decided to act like someone left the gate open, by laughingly telling other people to move out of our way because “we’re coming through” or even more fun, making a beeping noise like the noise of the courtesy carts that transport disabled people in the Atlanta airport. (Yes, these tactics not only clear traffic, they often make other people laugh too!) The point of this post is to have as much fun as possible, even when going about routine business or in situations many people would find tiresome. I’m always searching for the next open gate!

]]> These Boots Will Last the Rest of My Life https://magnusinsights.com/these-boots-will-last-the-rest-of-my-life/ Tue, 10 May 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3120 In preparation for an upcoming trip to Alaska (to be taken as a delayed 60th birthday celebration for David), I recently bought some Birkenstock boots. I am a huge fan of Birkenstock, having owned many pairs of their sandals and one pair of shoes over the years, but I had never considered buying this brand of boots. I don’t have the opportunity to wear hiking boots very often because, of course, I live in South Florida where, thankfully, most of the time the weather is too hot to wear anything but sandals. I have purchased two pairs of hiking boots in the past, neither of which passed the test of time. It finally dawned on me to drive to my local Birkenstock store, where I found exactly what I need for the Alaska trip. The owner of the store, where I have shopped for decades, was happy to see me again and as soon as I completed my purchase, congratulated me on my good taste in footwear and cheerily said, “These boots will last the rest of your life.” At first, I was quite taken aback by this comment. Then I realized the shoe store owner is right: these boots will last the rest of my life. Not only are they of excellent quality and can be re-soled if necessary, but at my age, there is no way I will wear these hardy hiking boots to the extent they will need to be replaced. On my way home, I pondered the fact that my boots will almost certainly outlive me. It is a sobering thought, but a fact of life. (Maybe I should have bought another pair of poorly made boots…)

]]> Why Do People Talk about Weather? https://magnusinsights.com/why-do-people-talk-about-weather/ Tue, 26 Apr 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3116 Why do people often talk about the weather? I will admit being guilty of this type of mind numbing discussion, but nonetheless, I have always found it to be an odd topic. Maybe it’s an ice breaker or a way to ease into a more meaningful discussion. I realize that, sometimes, it is important to discuss the weather, for example, when one is planning a boating excursion, a picnic, or attendance at a parade (3 things I truly love!). But, on a day to day basis, it is quite trivial to me to spend time looking at the weather forecast, then discussing when we think it will rain. Rain does not bother me except in the 3 above conditions, boating, picnics, and parades, but some people seem to think a little rain is the worst possible thing that can happen on any given day. Believe me, there are far worse things than a rain storm! Similarly, many people complain about time changes, from standard time to daylight saving time and vice versa. Complaining about the time change does nothing to help the situation. Just set the clocks to the correct time, adjust outdoor schedules, as necessary, to take advantage of the daylight, and quit kvetching! When traveling to a destination that is cold or raining during a time when it is warm and sunny in Florida (which is, thankfully, almost always!), pack a coat, pack a raincoat, pack shoes other than flip flops, and get ready for something different. Isn’t experiencing new things one reason why we travel? And, if asked about your vacation, think of something interesting to say, such as, “Wow! The pyramids in Giza were awe inspiring!” instead of “The desert in Egypt sure was dusty and the weather was hot and dry.” Time is precious and surely, most of us can find something more meaningful to discuss than how hot it is in Miami. Yes, it is hot in Miami and it is cold in London, but what’s happening in the world today?

]]> It’s Okay to Have Regrets https://magnusinsights.com/its-okay-to-have-regrets/ Tue, 08 Mar 2022 18:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3076 I recently read an article in The Wall Street Journal that focused on the “no regrets” philosophy that has become a cultural goal for many Americans. Supposedly, a life without regrets has been touted as a goal for people to attain, much like the concept of “bucket list” (of things we must achieve before we die) has developed over recent years. The author of The Wall Street Journal article examined social science research pertaining to regret, with a sample size of over 16,000 people in 105 countries. The overall consensus across this vast array of studies is that most people have regrets and further, regrets are not necessarily negative. In fact, it seems that regret is a common experience among all kinds of people that can serve as a valuable learning tool. For example, by recognizing past regrets, it may be possible to avoid similar problems. David and I have discussed the concept of regret on numerous occasions, mostly in terms of the relationship between our professional lives as small business owners and our personal lives, specifically, in caring for our elderly, infirm, parents. When I tell people about David and I spending a considerable amount of time and money to support my mother for the last decades of her life, to ensure that she had an excellent quality of life, they often say, “Well, that’s great. Then you have no regrets.” The first time someone said this to me, I was stunned and didn’t know a nice way to explain that caring for my mother, and later, David’s parents, was the right thing to do, but it led to many regrets for both David and me. For example, caring for my mom, financially speaking, placed a burden on David’s and my business by diverting resources that could have been used to hire a sales force that would have expanded our business to the size of many of our competitors. Caring for all 3 of our parents took a huge personal toll on both David and me, in terms of all the days we spent driving to our parents’ out of town locations and tending to their needs instead of supervising our employees and assisting our clients. (I have written previously about losing a long time client because I chose caring for my mother over helping him.) Regrets? I have too many to list! This being said, I’m glad David and I are the type of people who rise to the occasion to help people who need our help.

]]> Get Back https://magnusinsights.com/get-back/ Tue, 04 Jan 2022 18:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3009 “Get Back” is the name The Beatles wanted as the title of their second to last album, however, the album ended up being called “Let It Be.” (As many people know, the “Let It Be” album was the final studio album released by The Beatles, however, it was recorded prior to “Abbey Road,” which was released first.) I saw the documentary movie, also titled “Let It Be,” on May 13, 1970, the day it was released in the U.S.A. Both the movie and the album were released after the sad news came out about The Beatles break up. My friend and I cried all the way home from the movie, as it represented, to us, the end of an important era in our lives. Although the album received accolades, the movie was widely criticized for its negative portrayal of The Beatles. In fact, it was never re-released and has been difficult to find. Needless to say, I was thrilled, absolutely thrilled, to find out that the master recordings of the documentary had been preserved and would be released as a movie titled “Get Back” in August of 2020, 50 years after the original movie came out. Alas, it was not to be due, to the viral scourge that infected our planet in 2020. The movie’s director ultimately decided to release the new/old movie on Thanksgiving weekend in 2021, not in theaters, but in a 3 part series consisting of 8 hours of footage that had never been seen. Upon learning of this, I asked David if we could cancel our plans to spend Thanksgiving with his family and began planning my entire Thanksgiving weekend around this, to me, huge event. (I don’t know how many people have waited 51 years for something to happen, but I couldn’t wait another day to watch “Get Back”!) My brother, Park, sent me some interesting articles prior to the release of the movie that contained facts of which I was unaware. He is always careful to say “In case you didn’t already know this” because he is well aware that, if it concerns The Beatles, I might have known about the content of the article for a long time. Other well meaning people, in contrast, know I love all things pertaining to The Beatles (and have done so since 1963), but they act as if I am unaware of the latest happenings involving The Beatles. One of my friends sent me a nice email detailing the “plot line” of the new documentary; another friend sent me a nice email about The Beatles channel on satellite radio (that I have been listening to since the exact moment it went on the air); and others have given me thoughtful Beatles related gifts, never realizing that I bought the items for myself the day they went on sale. Suffice it to say, I love The Beatles! To be on the safe side, it’s best to be like my brother; ask me if I’ve heard the latest information, or if I have the latest John Lennon album re-lease. Or, you can always buy me a new Beatles t-shirt, like the one my friend Roger bought me, because I will never have too many of those. Get Back!

]]> Helping People Who Don’t Believe They Need Help https://magnusinsights.com/helping-people-who-dont-believe-they-need-help/ Tue, 28 Dec 2021 18:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3007 Sometimes, the people who need our help the most do not think they need any help, from anyone. These individuals may thwart our efforts to help them in various ways: (1) they try to cover up their problem(s); (2) they deny a problem exists; (3) they cancel appointments we make with medical providers or providers of psychological services, such as counseling; (4)they become angry, threatening to sever ties with us if we insist on helping; and more. Often, their denial of the problem and anger toward us, for exposing the problem, are due to their unwillingness or inability to face the reality of their situation. These negative reactions to our offers to help can be turn offs, to the point many would be helpers give up. Giving up is precisely the wrong thing to do. For example, when my late mother showed obvious (at least, to me) signs of dementia, I went to great lengths to conceal our destination on the day we went for her initial cognitive evaluation. Only when she saw the sign on the door, “Memory Center,” did she realize where we were going. She was, understandably, quite angry with me for a long time. She “acted out” in several ways, including cancelling follow up appointments I had made for her, throwing her medication in the garbage, and screaming at me. Did I give in, allowing her to rapidly decline in cognitive capacity? Of course not. I strengthened my resolve, including asking the neurologist, psychologist, and social worker to ensure their staff members confirmed Mom’s appointments with me, instead of her. I allowed Mom to scream at me to her heart’s content, never once responding in kind. When my brother, Frank, became her primary care giver, I worked closely with him to help him understand that helping Mom would not be easy. We devised several methods to work around Mom’s non compliance, such as grinding her medications in a nightly milkshake, then characterizing the milkshake as a treat she deserved for being such a wonderful mother to us. (It worked!) All of this is to illustrate the old maxim, “When there is a will, there is a way.” Sometimes, one has to move outside a comfort zone, particularly with mentally ill or cognitively impaired people, to provide help they do not believe, or understand, they need. Looking the other way is an option, but it is a poor choice when someone’s life is in our hands.

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