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Mental Health – 2's Company – MagnusInsights.com https://magnusinsights.com Mon, 10 Oct 2022 18:05:52 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9.4 https://magnusinsights.com/wp-content/uploads/cropped-2sCompanyLogov23-32x32.jpg Mental Health – 2's Company – MagnusInsights.com https://magnusinsights.com 32 32 It’s Later Than You Think. Yes it Is! https://magnusinsights.com/its-later-than-you-think-yes-it-is/ Sat, 15 Oct 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3304 Some time ago, David and I wrote a post about something my mom used to say, “Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think.”(https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/2019/03/its-later-than-you-think/) This post is a follow up and serves as a reminder that it really IS later than you think. And, for that matter, it really is later than I think too! A recent personal tragedy has prompted me to write this post. My dear friend, Chris Cochran, received a terrible diagnosis of pancreatic cancer on February 24, 2022, which is a memorable date because it was his 64th birthday. I sent him a video of The Beatles song, “When I’m 64,” not realizing that his 64th birthday would be his last. When Chris called to tell me the dreadful news soon after he found out, I immediately told him that we needed to get together, soon, because our time together was running out. Chris and I knew each other since June, 1967, 55 years at the time of his passing, and prior to his death, I was determined to stay in closer contact with him than he probably wanted. He repeatedly said he hoped to be one of the lucky people who survive pancreatic cancer, to which I responded that I hoped so, but just in case, David and I would be visiting him as soon and as often as possible. We had 2 nice visits with Chris and his wife, Suzy, 1 in April and the other, in June. Things seemed to be progressing with Chris’ chemotherapy and other treatments, until they took a turn for the worst. Through everything that was happening, Chris maintained his sunny outlook and optimism. He called me a week before his passing to tell me not to worry about him because his fate was in God’s hands. I laughingly told him that he knew better than that! I am a constant worrier, about almost everything! The day after Chris’ final phone call, I contacted another dear friend, Roger, who introduced Chris and me in 1967. Roger and I have been friends even longer, since 1964. I asked Roger if he could visit Chris with David and me in a few days and I explained “time is running out.” Thank goodness Roger said he could go with us! Roger, David, and I had a nice visit with Chris, who by then was able to communicate only with his eyes and a partial smile, due to a series of strokes he had suffered. I reminisced about the “good old days” when we were kids, Chris and I held hands, and the end of a lifelong friendship came to an end. Chris passed away on August 23, 2022. My advice: Tell your loved ones how much they mean to you, visit places you’ve always wanted to go, do whatever you’ve always wanted to do, now, because it really IS later than you think!

]]> John Lennon https://magnusinsights.com/john-lennon/ Wed, 05 Oct 2022 17:40:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3313
It’s about time I wrote a post about one of my favorite people, John Lennon. I’ve been a fan of the greatest band of all time, The Beatles, since 1964, when my wonderful father bought me their first album, “Introducing …The Beatles,” released on Vee-Jay Records. Although I liked Paul, George, and Ringo, it was John who captured my attention. I like every “version” of John, from the early mop top days, to his peace activist days, to his final years, when he was mostly out of the public eye. In my neighborhood group of friends, I was always John, Tara was always Paul, Chris was always George, and of course, Roger, a drummer in real life, was always Ringo. A lot of girls I knew wanted to be the girlfriend of one of the Beatles. Not me. I wanted to be John Lennon. When I had to start wearing glasses, because I, like John Lennon, am near sighted, I wanted to wear glasses with wire rimmed frames just like his. When he sang, “Power to the People,” I sang “Right on” along with the record. I always bought singles and albums as soon as they were released. My dad made sure of this, even though he didn’t like The Beatles too much! I wore Beatles boots, took my lunch to school in a Beatles lunch box, and tried to be as cool as John Lennon. My mom, who liked Paul McCartney the best of all The Beatles, said John wasn’t handsome, couldn’t sing as well as Paul, and in any event, John, along with his bandmates, was merely part of a passing fad that I would soon outgrow. Mom was right about a lot of things, but she was wrong about my lifelong love of The Beatles and their band leader, John Lennon. I wear a necklace, given to me by my dear mother-in-law, Carole, with a charm that says “Imagine” and alongside it, a smaller charm that has John’s face, as he drew it, etched in. As I am typing this post, I am wearing one of my many John Lennon t-shirts. When David calls my cell phone, my ring tone is “Whatever Gets You Through the Night,” a song by John Lennon. Going to John’s childhood home in Liverpool, with the opportunity to stand inside his bedroom, was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. One of the first things I do upon every arrival to New York City is to visit Strawberry Fields, in Central Park, near The Dakota, where he was murdered by someone so evil that I do not speak his name. Then there is my music room, filled with memorabilia of The Beatles and John Lennon. I could go on, but suffice it to say that, after almost 60 years, I still love The Beatles and I still love John Lennon the most of all! 
]]> The M’s https://magnusinsights.com/the-ms/ Tue, 27 Sep 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3272 I have a friend named Marilyn Einbinder. We met several years ago at a Passover Seder hosted by her son, Marc, and daughter-in-law, Susan. Marc and Susan are our wonderful Megan’s parents and it was Megan who invited me to attend her family’s Seder. Immediately upon being introduced to Marilyn, I knew we were going to be friends. We just “clicked”! Plus, she exclaimed to everyone in attendance that I look just like Meryl Streep! (This is something I hear often. Strangers approach me and ask, “Has anyone ever told you that you look like Meryl Streep?” to which I reply, “Many times and I sure wish I had her money in addition to her looks!”.) Since our first meeting, Marilyn and I have become good friends. Although we don’t get to see each other as often as I would like, due to living relatively far from one another, we go to lunch as often as possible. We call ourselves “The M’s” for Marilyn and Melissa. We have a lovely appetizer in Marilyn’s gorgeous high rise in Aventura, then we go to whatever restaurant Marilyn has selected for a delightful lunch. Our time together is filled with girl talk; serious discussions about politics, religion, and world affairs; and lots of laughter. I have more fun with Marilyn than almost anyone I know. Recently, I delayed visiting a dying friend for a few hours in order to have the opportunity to have lunch with Marilyn. When I told her about my friend’s expected passing, Marilyn said she would have understood if I needed to postpone our lunch date. I explained that I didn’t want to postpone it because I knew having lunch together, and enjoying the pleasure of her company, would be the only fun thing I would be doing for a long time. I treasure my friend, Marilyn, and our friendship! Here’s to The M’s!

]]> Employees Should Cover Each Other https://magnusinsights.com/employees-should-cover-each-other/ Thu, 15 Sep 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3244 This is the 3rd in a series about “covering” or looking out for each other in a work environment. The need to do this is on a top down, down to top, and peer to peer basis. In the immediately prior post, I mentioned an employee who was hostile to another employee. The fact that this was happening was unknown to Melissa or me. To some degree it was known to other employees, but the full extent of it was known only to the junior most employee who was being verbally abused by a more senior employee. “Covering” for each other would have required any employee who was aware of the situation to report it. Another time we had an employee who was drinking on the job. When the intoxicated employee was eventually terminated, one employee reported to us that she was aware of the situation but thought we were trying to help the impaired person. Both situations are examples of NOT covering for each other. Being a “tattle tail” certainly has a negative connotation. Allowing bad things to happen in a workplace should outweigh that connotation. Looking out for each other is critical to “mission success.” The lesson we learned from these experiences is that it is important to discuss various scenarios with employees and explain how they should handle observations about problems among and between other employees. Ensuring that staff know what is expected of them in this regard is crucial to doing the right thing, and doing things the right way.

]]> Ziggy’s Birthday Is Still an Event https://magnusinsights.com/ziggys-birthday-is-still-an-event/ Tue, 13 Sep 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3237 I will always and forever miss Ziggy. For those of you who never met Ziggy, he was my cat and my friend for 19 years. I loved Ziggy so much that, after his passing, I wrote a book about him. I fell in love with Ziggy on October 31, 1977. It is the only time I have ever experienced love at first sight! We went through many life changing events together, including numerous moves as I attended college, then graduate school, and embarked on my career. We grew up together, in many ways. Ziggy was big (20 pounds in his prime), fluffy, and most important, mean. He was really, really mean! One of his favorite pastimes was tricking unsuspecting people into thinking he was harmless, then biting them as soon as they tried to pet him. I warned these people to never trust him, but it was usually to no avail. Ziggy was also profoundly entertaining. We had lots of fun experiences together! And, luckily for David, he received Ziggy’s seal of approval when we began dating! When David and I moved to our home in Lighthouse Point in 1992, I knew it would be Ziggy’s final home. By then, he and I had lived in many places, including several that were not too nice, and we were ready to settle down. I informed the real estate agent who helped us find a house that the #1 requirement was a screened porch where Ziggy could enjoy himself. (Luckily, the real estate agent was a cat lover, who understood my #1 desire was to make Ziggy happy!) Ziggy lived a spectacular life, passing away on September 14, 1996. My mom repeatedly said. “There will never be another Ziggy” and she was right. (As a side note, Ziggy never bit Mom!) . Many cats have come and gone in my life since Ziggy, but none will ever have the profound impact he had on my life. Ziggy was born on August 15, 1977 and every year, his birthday is written on my calendar and his life is commemorated. Ziggy lives on in my heart and memories!

]]> Cover the Employee’s Back https://magnusinsights.com/cover-the-employees-back/ Thu, 08 Sep 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3242 As I wrote the prior post about the need for employees to cover the boss’ back, I had this post, and the next one, in mind, because covering for each other is critical. It is important for a boss to keep the health and well being of the employees in mind. In our 30+ years of being employers, Melissa and I have had examples of issues where this came into play. One employee had an issue with the hostility of another employee. In that instance, we were kept in the dark about the extent of the behavior by other employees (see next post). For other reasons, the “bad” employee was terminated and the truth of the hostility came out. Another example was on a research day, when a mock juror was verbally abusive and made racially derogatory comments to one of our employees. Melissa overhead these comments and immediately jumped in to help our employee by dismissing the abusive mock juror. I was quickly enlisted to escort the abuser out of the room and facility. We have always known we did the right thing by ending the abuse as quickly as possible and ensuring there was no residual impact on our team member. Another memorable occasion was when one of our employees, a black, Haitian, male, was followed by our local police department and stopped for questioning on multiple occasions while in our neighborhood. I decided the only way to “cover the employee’s back” was to approach a supervisor in our small police department about the issue. Ironically, the supervisor was a minority as well, an Asian man, who at first didn’t know how to react to the situation. But, after a bit of discussion, he helped me come up with a solution that eliminated the “harassment” of our minority employees. These are things you never learn about in business school. Things you may not consider otherwise. But, they are things that demonstrate the need to look out for employees in ways that go beyond the norms of a job.

]]> Expand Your Horizons: Johnny Cash, Jazz… https://magnusinsights.com/expand-your-horizons-johnny-cash-jazz/ Tue, 06 Sep 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3235 Expand your horizons. Exit your comfort zone. Try new things. Visit new places. Meet new people. These are mantras to which I aspire. Many people are too afraid to venture outside things they’ve always done. They go to the same restaurants, then order the same things off the menu. When it comes to music, some of my friends say “Oh, I like all kinds of music” when they really mean they like all kinds of music within a narrow framework, such as 70s “classic” rock. Boring! I like to shake it up once in a while. My dear friend, Bob, who is my best friend from graduate school (not to mention one of the coolest people I know), visited David and me recently. As usual, our conversation turned to our mutual love of music. Bob was a university professor for his entire career and he lived in a small town that didn’t afford many opportunities to see concerts. When he was visiting, he remarked that, although he had gone to lots of concerts while growing up in Texas, he hadn’t seen as many concerts as David and I have seen. This led me to a recitation of some of the many performers David and I have had the pleasure of seeing live, including: B. B. King, Johnny Cash, Barbra Streisand, The Rippingtons, Barry Manilow, Tom Jones, Chick Corea, Waylon Jennings, Englebert Humperdink, The Temptations, The Village People, and so on and so on. Bob was astounded that I, a fan of rock and roll music (including today’s groups, such as Five Finger Death Punch, Disturbed, and Godsmack), would consider, not to mention attend, concerts that are not within the genre of rock and roll. Bob was incredulous, questioning “Barry Manilow?” to which I remarked, “Yes, and he played 20 minutes worth of jingles he wrote for TV commercials during the show!” The point about experiencing things outside of one’s usual practices is, of course, not limited to music. Never had Lebanese food? Try it! The worst thing that could happen is that you won’t like it; if so, you can always go to your favorite fast food place to satisfy your hunger. Never been to Miami? Come to visit David and me. We will take you to many unforgettable places! How about the Grand Canyon? Let’s go! The world awaits us!

]]> Reactive v. Proactive https://magnusinsights.com/reactive-v-proactive/ Tue, 30 Aug 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3233 My mother used to tell me that she, as well as almost everyone else, would “have to get up before breakfast to stay ahead of me.” For readers of this post who are unfamiliar with, as Mom used to say “old South Carolina sayings,” this means that, all things considered, I work and move at a pretty fast pace, such that most people have difficulty keeping up with me. One reason I am able to get things done quickly is that I am organized. I know what to do, how to do it, and how long it will take. Another reason for my speed is that I take a proactive approach to living my life. When it comes to work, I plan ahead, I see what needs to be done, and more important, I do it. I don’t sit around, idly staring into space, procrastinating, until the time comes for my work to be completed. A clear example of my proactive approach to life is these posts David and I write. On days when I have free time at work, I often spend 30 minutes or an hour writing several posts. I review the list of topics (which now numbers over 600), then I write as many as I can in the time I have available. This means that, at any given moment, I have 10 to 20 posts that are ready for David to add his part to them. I never, ever, need any prompting to write posts on an immediate basis (due to the fact we are out of things to post) because mine are already done. My proactivity often conflicts with other people’s reactive approach to life. Many people, to quote Mom and her funny expressions, “sit around and wait for the cows to eat them up.” (I haven’t ever heard of a cow eating anyone, but I heard Mom use this expression on countless occasions.) “Sitting around waiting for the cows to eat them up” means procrastinating, waiting until the last minute, then hurrying to complete a task that, with proper planning, could have been completed long ago. Many of Magnus’ clients fall into this category. They ask for my help, then I wait and wait, then wait some more for them to provide me with the materials I need to provide them the help they have requested. Sometimes, they wait so long that I am unable to help them. (Although I work pretty fast, there are limits to my ability to complete complex tasks at the last minute.) Most people are either proactive or reactive, with others falling someplace in between, depending on the task that needs to be performed. Word of advice: If you are a reactive personality type, please be prepared to move out of my way. I’m coming through, fast!

]]> Probing Questions and Difficult Answers https://magnusinsights.com/probing-questions-and-difficult-answers/ Tue, 23 Aug 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3226 I went to my primary care physician recently for my annual check up. (As an aside, my physician is smart: He has a Ph. D. in addition to an M. D.) My physician is committed to helping medical students with their education. He has mentored medical students from The University of Miami for decades and often involves them in my appointments. On this day, there was a particularly eager and earnest medical student who was helping my physician by asking some of the questions that are routinely part of medical examinations. The medical student asked me whether anything was bothering me, to which I replied that there are many things bothering me, none of which are medical in nature. (Word to the wise: Be careful what questions you ask a psychologist!) The medical student asked me if I take any drugs, prescription or non prescription, to which I replied, in a voice that sounded just like my mother, “No. I don’t even take an aspirin. I never have a headache or anything drugs would help.” He droned on and on with similar routine questions until he finally lost interest due to the fact that there was, apparently, nothing wrong with me. When he closed his notepad, signaling the end of his questioning, I informed him that, of all the questions he asked me, he forgot to ask a couple of important ones. He was quite taken aback, but he quickly recovered and asked, “What did I forget to ask you?” I told him that he should include in his pre-exam interview a few questions to determine whether the patient (female or male) is being victimized by physical abuse, sexual abuse, domestic abuse, sex trafficking, or anything similar that they might be reluctant to volunteer on their own. I told him it is his duty, in the interest of “doing no harm,” to ascertain things that are difficult to answer by asking probing questions, then paying attention to both verbal an nonverbal cues in an attempt to help his patients. Many times, a primary care physician is the first person to realize something is wrong with a patient that is an underlying cause of a medical problem. This young future physician thanked me profusely for contributing to his medical education. Lesson learned: Ask probing questions even when anticipating an answer that is difficult to provide. You might save someone’s life!

]]> Con Mucho Gusto https://magnusinsights.com/con-mucho-gusto/ Tue, 16 Aug 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://magnus.lisawhitsell.com/?p=3224 David and I have written in previous posts about one of our pet peeves, replying to “thank you” with “no problem.” We always get a little miffed when someone says “no problem” because we don’t think there is a need to mention any sort of problem when someone is being thanked for doing something. I also dislike the use of “de nada” in response to “gracias.” I have been speaking Spanish (sometimes better than other times) since I was in kindergarten. As everyone who speaks Spanish is well aware, the translation of “de nada” is “of nothing.” This is if to say, in my opinion, that the thing for which someone is being thanked is no big deal, meaningless, or of little consequence. It’s a slightly smaller brush off than “no problem,” however, it is still a brush off. When David and I visited Bob (my Bob) in Costa Rica in 2010, we soon discovered that the typical response to “gracias” there is “con gusto” and in some cases, “con mucho gusto.” The Costa Ricans have got it right! “Con gusto” means “with pleasure” and “con mucho gusto” means “with much pleasure,” either of which make the person who is expressing his/her gratitude happy to have thanked someone. In addition to saying “con mucho gusto,” all of the Costa Ricans with whom I interacted had big smiles on their faces when I thanked them and they seemed to be genuinely glad to have helped me. I always bring home a little part of places I visit and I will always remember the kindness and smiles of the people I met in Costa Rica. Gracias for the lesson in gracious acceptance of thankfulness!

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